Equipping Thoughts

Dear Leaders:

Emails are such a great and efficient tool of communication in so many
ways!! …they can be!

My Scenario:
I recently wrote an email to a group of 4 servants. One of them called me
to inform me that I should’ve talked to them about the situation first,
before putting my question out on email to others. Although the email was
specific to an event and I didn’t write with emotional hurt, I appreciated
the servant calling me to discuss their thoughts and feelings, instead of
writing out their disappointment through email…especially if they
would’ve ”copied” the rest of the group.

Emotional emails can be a dangerous tool in the hands of the devil.
Especially emotions that leak a little hurt, disappointment and
frustration. Angry, Jealous, Bitter emotions that spill through emails… are just
plain wrong to write. It’s amazing how many misunderstandings I’ve had to
clear up because emotions were misread and misinterpreted through email.

Pray and think through emails that you write. Pause, sometimes even for a
day to let your emotions settle down, especially if you are responding with
passion or emotion. As a rule, those subjects should be best discussed over
the phone or in person.

Just a thought from…from one email user to another.

Here’s a DEFINITION: Refusing to change one’s ideas, behavior, etc.; stubborn; obstinate.

“You cannot be a pervicacious leader Rod, and expect to be an effective team player!”

When sitting amongst a round table of great leaders in the Midwest, I had to learn to be more tolerant of “Dumb” ideas. What was dumb to me was an indication of my shrimpy sized paradigms. Not to mention my unwillingness to listen and learn from others (especially who I thought didn’t know much about a certain subject). It was revealed to me that I might think of other ideas as “dumb” but I was really being ignorant and closed minded.

Valuable Lessons learned:

1. First of all..the definition of pervicacious! Ouch!!
2. How to keep my mouth shut and open my mind to other ideas. Listen to find the good in an idea!
3. Judging other ideas revealed insecurities in my leadership. (Control, Jealousy, Fear of not succeeding or being seen as valuable, etc)
4. My stubbornness can damage team spirit and team unity.
5. Put my opinions, judgements, feedback before the Lord first, before I voice them to others.

Nehemiah 9:29 You warned them to return to your law, but they became proud and obstinate and disobeyed your commands. They did not follow your regulations, by which people will find life if only they obey. They stubbornly turned their backs on you and refused to listen. 30 In your love, you were patient with them for many years.

May I learn from my past mistakes and the mistakes of the Israelites! Help Me Lord and thanks for being patient with me!

Hello leaders:

There’s a certain line, I seem to cross at times. That line is called familiarity.

I get familiar with my surroundings, relationships, circumstances – and around our volunteers. Then I cross the line, not realizing that at times, I don’t speak or treat our volunteers with as much kindness, grace and gratefulness as I should.

…just a reminder, from lessons of my recent “line crossings”
We are a church that depend on our volunteer leaders, shepherds and servants. Let’s be gracious in All our dealings with our teams. You & I set the tone, culture and heart of graciousness and gratefulness.

It’s an honor to reach people for Jesus with you,
Rod

No doubt - email has become a vital tool to communicate, to people around the world and those around the corner in our workplaces. The church is no different from any other organization, using email to communicate quips, quotes and jokes to crucial, timely information that requires immediate attention and action.

Have you ever been misunderstood through an email you sent? I’ve witnessed relationships being damaged and divided because of misinterpreted words. Proverbs 10:19 In the multitude of words sin is not lacking, But he who restrains his lips is wise. We may need to consider this passage when writing emails. Especially in the context of discussing relational matters or topics that can be personal and sensitive.

When using email to communicate, here are some tips to consider to build bridges, not damage relationships.

~ Be careful when you are upset, emotionally involved in a situation you are addressing. Be aware of your feelings and attitude when you are writing or responding to a sensitive issue or topic.

~ Remember, you don’t know the frame of heart or mind of the person when they “finally” receive or open your email. If this is a time sensitive issue or if you respond too quickly to a “sensitive” email, the recipient may not catch “your intentions or heart” behind the email.

~ When in doubt, when emails are being shot back and forth discussing or trying to resolve something, PICK UP the PHONE! We can tend to hide behind email communication.

Let’s build winning teams by building winning relationships through winning email communication!

In this season of my life, I’ve never been more motivated to improve. To improve my relationship with God, attitude, roles as husband, father, leader and servant. To improve my quality of life, health and gifts. The desire and willingness to improve in life has increased immensely since moving back to Hawaii 8 years ago, rubbing shoulders and hearts with Pastor Wayne and the people of New Hope! There is an incredible heart attitude amidst the servants of New Hope. I think we are trying to live out one of our Core Values…God is worthy of our very best, therefore a spirit of excellence should permeate everything we do (and everything we are!).

As leaders, our goal is to ultimately please God first, not people. Many of us get trapped by being people pleasers, limiting our forward movement and progress. Some leaders fear change for fear of complaints and unsatisfied people.

A willingness to improve will always require change. I’m so glad I’ve upgraded my computer along the way from 18 years ago. If I were unwilling to change or satisfied with what I had, my productivity would be greatly hindered. I love the “Mac” God provided! See if some of my thoughts below can benefit you to adjust your attitudes and convictions towards helping people through change.

1. Believe in people to make necessary changes. Be positive communicating the “why’s” and potential fruitfulness.
2. Believe in the “whys” of your direction to change. Especially when the change is direction from your leadership. Be sure to own the heart and the conviction of your leadership during change. This is a must…very critical! Under shepherds or leaders (middle management) can spoil the hearts of others if their hearts aren’t right! I can’t over emphasize this one!!
3. Be willing to listen to others along the way. Don’t be stubborn about listening to resistance. Others resistance may contribute elements that could sharpen the pathway to change. In other words, be OPEN to CHANGE too.
4. Decide not to compromise your convictions to make others happy. Maintaining healthy relationships is essential but not at the expense of compromising your conviction to lead others through change.
5. Be consistent to evaluate everything and everyone involved to progress towards God’s very best.
6. Upgrade towards improving people, productivity and programs.
7. Make it your desire to make God happy by leading people through change that will produce
8. Help people to understand the purpose behind the change. They may not always agree but the communication will build healthy relationships.
9. I must be willing myself, to step aside for other ideas, people to lead through change - as it is appropriate. Sometimes leaders aren’t willing to lay their lives (ways, thoughts, plans) down to make room for a better plan, idea or direction. That attitude may have a little to do with PRIDE.

Lord…help me to hear Your voice to lead others to grow in their relationship with You, through change. Help me to always be willing to improve through change. Change me O’ Lord!

In a conflict I was mediating, one person saw only one solution, the other person saw another solution - both leading to different results. “You don’t see any other alternatives?” I asked. “If there was another possible solution, would you both consider working towards resolution?”
My way or the highway attitudes can poison people and teams. Holding on to “your way or idea” as the best answer or solution can be endangering.
Conflicts will occur on teams. Differing views, opinions, ideas and solutions to challenges are a part of diversity. There are 3 ways or attitudes to choose from.
1. My way.
2. Your way.
3. The “Win-Win” way.
The Win-Win alternative may very well be the other answer or solution. It may be the better way - maybe even better than my way.

1. W - Welcome others ideas with an open heart.
2. I - Initiate solutions beyond your preferences & likes.
3. N - Never say never. In other words, don’t think and speak your mind about an idea being stupid or never working before hearing all the facts and giving thought and time.

Romans 14:19
Therefore let us pursue the things which make for peace and the things by which one may edify another.

31.) Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch with them.

32.) Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.

33.) Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need. God provides remember?!

34.) The best is yet to come. (in Heaven)

35.) No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

36.) Do the right thing!

37.) Call your family often.

38.) Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements: ‘I am thankful for __________. ‘ Today I accomplished _________.

39.) Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.

40.) Enjoy the ride. Remember that this is not Disney World and you certainly don’t want a fast pass. You only have one ride through life so make the most of it and enjoy the ride.

21.) You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

22.) Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.

23.) Don’t compare your life to others’. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

24.) Ladies - Go on and burn those ’special’ scented candles, use the 600 thread count sheets, the good china and wear our fancy lingerie now. Stop waiting for a special occasion. Everyday is special.

25.) No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

26.) Frame every so-called disaster with these words: ‘In five years, will this matter?’

27.) Forgive everyone for everything.

28.) What other people think of you is none of your business.

29.) Time heals almost everything. Give time, time!

30.) However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

I love the comments I received from Charles and Brian, 2 faithful servants and leaders at New Hope!

1. Charles Ching Says:

This is really good stuff. Right to the heart. Sometimes
you see and hear so many things that goes on that shouldn’t. But no matter what. You focus on the Lord and be humble. If you have a deep love for people. You over look many things and accept it. I look at all the wonderful things He has placed before me. More so the people that he has placed in my life. My greatest joy were in the people and to have them smile and sharing my joy with others. It’s all about relationship with others and our Lord. Just remember why and whom you’re doing it for. What would he say or do. You’ll be okay.

Brian Kaneshiro Says: 
A thought that came to my mind as I read the other comments is that team decay is more likely to happen if we stop working on team building. It is very difficult to do both. If our focus is upon how we can build the team each time we get together, then we are less likely to do the things that would cause team decay.
Something that I need to pray about as to how to team build.

Team Decay?
A team that’s decaying consists a group of people who have lost their trust in one another. What’s a quick way to rotting relationships - seed mistrust into the heart of your team. This applies to any relationship whether it be in church, business or at home. The lack of trust burns quickly into lost of trust. Then communication goes sour. Why does communication go sour? There are many reasons aren’t there? But we know that broken communication adds to broken trust, leading to broken relationships, leading to team decay.
Team Decay happens when:

1. You feel like you aren’t being heard and you take offense. Hurt feelings lead to hurt relationships if not addressed.
2. Someone has talked about you behind your back, you find out and you harbor ill feelings.
3. You talk about a team member behind their back. When you say things to others about a person that you don’t have the courage to speak to them face to face. Ouch!
4. You are silent about a discussion or decision when you should’ve at least shared your thoughts or feelings. Now you respond with a silent, cold heart.
5. When we undermine authority. Being a grumbler, discontent with your role, responsibility, lack of compensation (whether in pay or affirmation - we all like to be compensated with affirmation or a reward of some kind), when we don’t get our way, our idea was not considered or used, etc.
6. When teams develop “cliques” among themselves. Internal competition arouses pride. Pride feeds self centeredness and opposes team unity.
7. When co leaders or second or third tier leaders want to vie their way into “position” and can tend to develop different camps or cliques among the team.
8. When territorial attitudes develop.

Lanu’s Comment:
Amazing blog! Sometimes the one initiating the decay don’t realize what a hand they have in causing team decay because they are too busy pointing out everybody’s faults except truly honestly assessing themselves….so they will think team decay is everybody elses fault except their own.
I know as I was there big time!!!! I think if you aren’t actively building a team (meaning loving one another, embracing one another, getting in there and plowing together) then if we have courage to be truthful within, are we causing division by grumbling and mumuring?…that is the one of the biggest detriments to a team….anyways, thank you Pastor Rod for your amazing blogs that really equip us and make us think!!!!!